Actually, forgiveness is possible

Too often I hear people tell me that a situation is irretrievable, a relationship irrecoverable. ‘Nothing can fix this,’ they say. ‘They’re a narcissist – there’s no reasoning with them,’ they say. ‘I’ve been too wounded,’ they say. And yet Jesus says, ‘Forgive.’

Of course it’s enraging when someone trespasses over your personal boundaries. Of course it’s painful to have your opinions bulldozed, or your needs overlooked, or your feelings ignored. Of course people are horrible. And of course forgiveness is difficult. If it wasn’t difficult, we wouldn’t talk about it so much, and nor would Jesus have made such a big deal of it. But he did.

I don’t think Jesus urges us to forgive in order to oppress us. He is never coercive, but always concerned with our ultimate good. And while he certainly challenges people, he always allows them absolute freedom to reject or accept his way of life. Therefore, I see his command to forgive as pointing towards our own healing. As long as we refuse to journey towards forgiveness, we can feel defined and trapped by what other people have done. Those of us who travel that road and do the necessary work, however, experience forgiveness as a powerful and empowering act, which liberates us from our past, neutralises the power of the one who once hurt us, and allows us to set new and healthier terms of relationship (which may include no relationship at all).

Nobody is saying that working through conflict is easy, or that reaching the point of forgiveness is quick. But we are saying that forgiveness is possible, and that we are here to help each other do this work. And if we keep practicing forgiveness in ordinary situations of conflict, then we will be well prepared if we are ever called upon to perform a magnificent act of forgiveness, the sort of forgiveness which changes lives and transforms families and heals cities and reconciles nations, and proclaims God’s kingdom here on earth.

Peace,
Alison

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